Me and Sugar Pop

Hi Friends, 

I struggled to get some sleep last night. It was a little cold and I was thinking of the things my friends have been telling me lately.  Many of them mentioned my posts may be a bit too long and that I should try to shorten them. I enjoy typing away but maybe they are right. Most times it is difficult to type so much because my paws begin to ache. I will try to write shorter stories and see what kind of feedback I get. 

Anyway, I visited my friend Frida. We went to pay a visit and eat some good, home-cooked meals. 

Sugar pop doesn't do much. She spends most days laying in bed or sitting on the couch watching television. 

 
 

And if you are around the area, you should definitely check this event out. My dad will be there tomorrow and possibly sometime in the weekend. If you see him, don't be shy to say hello!

 
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Stay tuned for future posts and I hope everyone has a good week :)

Sincerely, Linus

August and September Thingies

Final Update!

Hi Friends, 

Years ago, when I was a paw foot puppy roaming the spooky alleys of the neighborhood, a yellow bus zoomed past me and it sparked my interest to find what its purpose was. I pulled out my Ipaw and googled “yellow bus”. I was curious to find how to get access and transport me to these learning centers so called, schools. I didn't know these things existed!

 
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Later, I found that a lot of puppies were catching rides because apparently school was a fun place to be at. After some research, I figured how to get entry to the cool bus and join the rest of the pups. 

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I signed up at the Pet Smart Ivy League School. I enrolled in Puppy 101 to gain knowledge of the world and in turn, develop into the smartest puppy in our neighborhood. At that time, there weren't many puppy geniuses to look up to and approach for guidance. I wanted to be that "one" puppy. 

There was talk in the streets that only nerds attended puppy school and were bound to lose their street panache once enrolled in formal education. I will admit, coming from the street led me to grow a thick skin and a tough, but compassion, personality. I surely didn't want any of my traits to fade away, but I was ready to discover things beyond my imagination that the street could not teach me. Most importantly, I didn’t want to end up like this little guy :(

 
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I ignored the negativity and continued with my classes. The classes consisted of vigorous training sessions, twice a week, 2hrs long and no break for snacks or play time. I dreaded if my hunger kicked in, I would need to eat and chew anything that smelled good. I didn't want to imagine eating the fishes or the reptiles in the store :( That would have been a terrifying scene for many.

I was excited to learn ways to improve my behavior with people and my friends. After all, my dad tells me that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall. Whatever that means!

My first day of class was nerve racking. My paws were shaking and I was afraid to get chosen to perform some insane and impossible trick, like juggling 5 toys with my eyes closed (I hear humans think that dogs can do the unthinkable). At the same time, I was also thrilled to meet my classmates and learn something new from them.

At first, I didn't know what to bark at or how to approach my puppy classmates. I figured I would buddy up with whoever had the most pleasant smell in the rear end. Disgusting! But that was the only way I could do it, unfortunately. It was difficult to get my classmates to like me because I jump a lot. It seemed that my friendly personality confused my paw mates into thinking I wanted to chew their face off, and till this day, most think I want to fight when I jump like a little goat.

Ms. Bark-ley, our teacher, was sweet, bubbly, and fun. My dad thought she was sour but I disagree. On the other hand, Ms. Bark-ley thought my dad was a very bitter person. It was embarrassing watching them act like a bunch of wranglers in front of the class!

Wranglers? Did you ever wear any? The real chap Brett Favre enjoys these! 

 
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Every day we had the chance to demonstrate something we were getting better at. Sitting down was probably the easiest and most natural command I could follow. I conquered the command like nothing! Our teacher gave rather an amusing illustration of her progress in class too. She would get on her knees, make this loud "ehhhhhh" noise that hurt my ears and she would hop like a little rabbit. It would remind me of Acorn, the squirrel I see every morning with its head up its.....

Our class was pretty small in numbers. We had 6 completely different type of doggies in the class, surely enough for drama sparking events.

On the roster were:

Rocky - A large and mean Bulldog consistently mad dogging everyone in class. He was the least liked and I gave him 3 chances to be friends! I was over him after he peed next to my snacks! I am sure he still bullies everyone everywhere he goes. 

What I learned: Life is a rocky road and certainly no reason to be mean or a bully!

Buster- A medium sized Pointer. Double R they called him. Rude and rough, but his mom's gentle persona was the only nice thing going for him, sadly. I think his mom liked my dad but I’m glad nothing happened between them because Buster was too aggressive with me, and I was looking for a nicer step brother/sister. This lad was the type of dog that would eventually turn into a Rocky. 

What I learned: Don't be bustin anyone's chops! Be nice. 

Fluffball- Puny Pomeranian. A piece of crumb actually. Quiet, dramatic and never tried on his assigned task. I wonder if life got the better of him. Did life swallow him up!?

What I learned: Want to be a baller? Take some effort to learn some new tricks!

Coffee- A stocky Chocolate Labrador full of energy, twice my size and an agreeable manner with every walking soul. I am sure she has over 4000 friends on Facebook by now. What's not to like about chocolate coffee beans :)

Learning Objective: Taste good and everyone will be addicted to you!.

 
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Oops wrong beans!

I meant these beans!

 
 

Layla- Glancing around on my first day, I couldn’t help but notice Layla. A beautiful grey Labrador that had me on my knees every night. I had built a deep desire for her. I never told my dad, but my mind was whipping around with crazy ideas every time I saw her.

What I learned: Mmmmm....deep thinking methods?

 
 

Our first conversation went something like this…. 

Layla - Nice to meet you, where you been?

Me - Sitting right across you, staring at you all night. 

Layla - I could show you incredible things.

Me - Really?? More incredible things than toys? 

Layla - Magic, madness, heaven, sin.

Linus - I love magic! Like the magic cool bus? Madness? Heaven? Puppy heaven? I don’t want to go there right now. Sin? We doggies are so innocent I thought...

 
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Layla - Saw you there and I thought, Oh my God, look at that face, You look like my next mistake.

Me - I don’t want to be anybody's mistake :(

Layla - Love’s a game, want to play? 

MeI - I want to play!!! :)

Layla - New money, suit and tie.

Me - I don’t need any of that to play! C'mon, let's go!

Layla - I can read you like a magazine.

Me - You read too? :) I thought people just look at the pictures in magazines... 

Layla - Ain’t it funny, rumors fly.

Me - Rumors don't fly, you silly!

Layla - And I know you heard about me.

Me - I actually haven’t…No

Layla - So hey, let's be friends.

Me - Yes! Let us be friends forever!

Layla - I’m dying to see how this one ends.

Me - Please don't die! :(

Layla - Grab your passport and my paw.

Me - Do we need passports? Can I just grab your paw? :) 

Layla - I can make the bad dogs good for a weekend.

Me - But I am a good dog already.

I could have sworn her questions sounded like a song but that wasn't any of my business. 

My dad could spot my interest for Layla miles away. I was afraid I would be in trouble for not paying attention in class and getting caught day dreaming of her. Actually, I was more afraid of the “invaluable” lessons my dad would proceed to present to me.

He dove right in...

Dad - "Dude, she will bamboozle you into falling for her. Sounds to me like some wicked witchery mind games, and many of them do this, so stop getting your hopes up and wasting your time in this wicked game! Get learning!".

 
 
 
 

Dad - "Also, most bitches will try, and will break your heart. But not to worry boobster, soon you will find someone completely opposite from those rattle snakes. Possibly a mermaid. Una chula sirena."

 
 

And he kept yapping...

Dad - “Linus, boo boo maguboo, you really need to be careful buddy. These ladies aren't here for love. If you don't watch your back, they will eat you alive. Watch out boy, they are paw eaters. Looks can be deceiving maguster.” 

Eat me?? Paw eater? Chew me up? Ahhh!! All I could think was old 70’s music in my head! My ears were bleeding! 

 
 

And he kept lecturing me...

Dad - “Let me continue. They will rip your heart out if you aren’t on your paws. They are hawkish and ruthless, like a two gun desperado. The “puppy killer” they might call each other. They will kill with a drop of feather and cut you down with a shower of lead!”

I didn’t want him to be right but he was on to something. 

My 2nd conversation with Layla went something like this....

Me - Layla, would you like to get a puppucccino with me this weekend? Woof woof.

Layla - Oh Linus, my body's sayin' let's go but my heart is sayin' no.

If you wanna be with me

Baby there's a price to pay

I'm a genie in a bottle

You gotta rub me the right way.

Do you understand?

Me - Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt?? I was confidently sure the price was too high and I was confused what way to rub.

After I explained to her that I was broke, that I had no goals and that I felt disconnected from the world, she told me in a chichi mood,  “Jacky boy, don’t you come back no more”. 

 
 

Me -  Layla, I thought you were different :(

Layla - That's not the shape of my heart.

 
 

I finally saw my dads point. 

So I let it all past me.

Having left some of my thoughts behind, I’d call Layla the tragically broken "girlfriend" I cannot get out of my mind, even though we were never together. 

I went on to graduate top student in the class with honorable mention. I considered adult school, but I needed to take a breather after my tiny heartbreak. 

My dad had one last thing to add.

Dad - "No mames, te dije guey! It's ok because we learn from our mistakes. They are hard lessons but it's time to move on ok? Let's get reading now. You ever been to Horton Plaza? Sometimes I just go there to chill and read books. Remember, being smart is fun! And you want to be cool? Stay in school!" 

Coo coo dad. Coo coo.


I have a heavy dose of skepticism that my dad is any good at softball. Right off the bat, I noticed he lacked arm strength when he picked up the bat. He was complaining that it was too heavy. Soo weak! I also threw him a few pitches but he wasn't able to make any contact. Strike 3 and you are out! Just like all his dates! A feeble attempt to hit the ball was apparent and my guess is he sits on the bench and eats sun flower seeds all game. However, he did mention his playoff game is next week and because of him, they were able to make it so far in the playoffs. I'll wait to hear if he makes a difference in the next game. If he "plays".

 
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With the beautiful sun shining down this summer, we figured we could get working on our backyard. We have been planting a variety of fruit trees, vegetables, flowers and bunch of other stuff. Finally, our backyard is looking a more homey. Plenty of work left if you want to come help :)

Our friend, Negligent Nancy, decided to "help" make a bench for us. However, she spent most of the time sitting and staring at me and throwing me the ball, while my dad completed all the hard work. Nothing to complain about, but I was dreading the moment my dad would begin to whine.

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My dad was upset with me when I tore his soccer ball. Time to go buy a new one cheapskate! And buy me some snacks while you are at it!

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We hope the finished project comes out as we imagine.


My friend Bruno texted me the other day telling me about some snacks he sent me from Colombia. I have never tried any snacks from his country and I was craving them when he described to me how juicy they feel in your mouth. Bruno and I are boyhood chums actually. We met each other in the dark alleys of the evil Saint Piper St. when we were alone, cold, hungry and lost. We are very fortunate that we found loving parents that care for us. 

It was a nice gesture and it came in the knick of time, right when I needed some sugar to ease my frustration with the neighborhood cats that have been defecating around our remodeled backyard.

It's Jet chocolate, like my "speed" video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m269UlLETcQ

If I had gotten a Jet Negro, it would be made just for me!

 
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Bruno was so kind that he got me a cup with my picture on it! How sweet Bruno. Gracias amigo!

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See dad, be a good friend and you too can get snacks! Maybe you should follow the fly and honey advice you give me, or however it goes, instead of getting wild and tongue-lashing everyone, when you are hungry. Maybe they will be nice to you too.

Stay tuned for more irrelevant updates that probably won't make our life any better!

 Until next time!

Sincerely,

Linus


Update #2

Hi Friends, 

Just a growl out to all my doggie friends! 

Happy National Dog Day! 

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Dad! Will you please pay attention to me on my special day today! Out of many special days :)

Stay tuned this week for the final update.

Sincerely,

Linus


Update #1

Hi friends,

Happy birthday to everyone that is celebrating their special day this month. Enjoy it while it last because time is a thief sometimes!

In the meantime, while I prepare my entire blog for this month, I leave you with these cool cookies our friends at https://www.instagram.com/sugardelightsbymonica/ baked for my dad. It's for his softball team and last I heard, their winning streak is out of this ballpark!

 
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We will update the blog when all of our Augus and September thingies get done! I hope everyone has a good week :)

Sincerely,

Linus

Camping to Big Sur and DMV headaches

Hi Friends!

Our 2nd post for this month comes a little later than anticipated. As you might imagine, my dad has been procrastinating every possible way and now our projects are backed up, placing our goals further out of reach. I was annoyed of his laziness and needed urgent medication for my little headaches he was causing. I feel so bad for his ex- girlfriends! How could they ever deal with him??!!!  

Why is he such a procrastinator? To really understand his procrastination habits, we need to travel back in time to the year c.1986.  At a young age, doctors diagnosed him with a large number of prokie manners. What the heck is this!? I’ll summarize. The dude is born and quickly realizes he is the baby, takes advantage of his position in the household, complains about anything and firmly believes he should be placed 1st for everything. After just one day in life, he begins to complain about milk being too thick for his puny esophagus and insists for a low-fat milk diet, BUT doctors recommend he starts with whole milk to supply nutrients to his frail body. He then chugs whole milk nonstop for almost 5 years, BUT whole milk is thick and needs to be broken down correctly in order for the tummy to function correctly. However, in his conditions, the lactase, a little strong enzyme in the small intestine, inhibits the triggering of neurons inside his body disallowing the messengers to flow freely to the base of his forebrain, the basal ganglia, and halt the construction of the upper region of the brain. This leads to a slower development of a fulfilling and normal childhood. Unaware of the increasing amount of lactase results in new bad routine habits and propagates light vomit symptoms requiring him to wear a bib till age 9. After years, he switches to the low diet he once dreamt of. The deficiencies of vitamins from the low-fat diet obligates him having to use a baby bottle until age 12. The baby bottle is primarily used in drinking lighter liquids to assist in the absorption throughout the selective membrane of his feeble body. Tantrums are also side effects that are cemented with him indefinitely. Not surprisingly, many studies have shown that the average child of this nature turn out "unstable" when they grow older. As you see, procrastination runs deep in his blood and we can also see where his annoying attitude may be derived from.

I am slowly losing my patience from his shortage of fast work ethics. Ironically, an extremely accurate depiction of my visit to the DMV last week.

But I wonder, why is it that employees at DMV portray an image of slothfulness?

Let us take a deeper look into this problem. By doing some basic number crunching, we immediately see Sammy Slowpoke's pay starts at $14ish/hr, and hustling 40hrs/week gives him about $2240/month. After taxes and the whole shebang, he receives almost no spendable income. Could this chump change possibly buy you an It's-It bar at your local liquor store?

Mmmm yummy!

Let’s not get wrapped up thinking of this and continue on. 

In addition to the peanuts they take home every month, they drive through many mental blocks and barriers each day.  

Here are listed some of the deets this job entails:

  • Expectations to be at work on the dot. Limited interruptions and working like a machine to produce 100% results with no questions asked. Make sure to bring some oil to keep that machine running smoothly, Tommy Turtle!
  • Standing for 8 hours and getting yelled at by customers who think you are supposed to bend the rules for them because they waited too long to renew a tag or pay "unfair" extra fees. "Let us complain and see if we can waive the fee! Life is so unfair!"
  • No work-life balance. No time to make extra cash by selling cookies in front of Safeway! It’s possible to compete against those darn girl scouts!
  • No room for advancement. I guess I'm stuck filing papers all my life? 
  • No real training and probation for 1 year! “Termination with no explanation” is the motto at DMV. Unless you volunteer for overtime…For.the.rest.of.your.life! 
  • Very rude and stressful people with infinite mood swings and lack of composer wanting you to paint the perfect picture. “I'll bite your ear off you Vincent VanGough wannabe!"
  • No mercy for those in need of assistance. Please help, Katie Know-it-All!
  • Managers don’t have a clue how to run the system. "Listen Sammy Sloth, I need to stretch and warm up before I start running this ok!”

Even more interesting is the fact that these job stressors are a major contributor of 120,000 deaths each year and cost U.S. businesses up to $190 billion in health care costs, with the biggest toll on minorities and people with less education.

However, to all things in life, there are pros and cons and especially working in such a glamorous establishment. The plus side? Breaks, lunches, and the end of the shift…

I will avoid all cost to visit the DMV ever again unless someone put a gun to my little paws. Maybe purchasing AAA insurance to benefit from their DMV services is a better road to take. 

Speaking of road, my dad took a motorcycle trip to Big Sur with FirstOption Frank and left me alone again.

Here is what he had to say about his trip. 


Linus, 

Boo boo, before we start on our journey I want you to know that if anything happens to me, you can eat all the snacks you want, pee all over the house and drive everyone nuts. You deserve it, buddy.

The last time I took a camping trip I was in 8th grade, and I was excited to experience everlasting memories. However, when scary stories were told of creatures coming out at night to hunt for food, I kinda wet my pants. I was already dreading this camping trip before I even packed! I presume humans count as food right? Maybe not the best tasting meat but I always wondered, would they eat me alive or would they kill me first and then eat me? I was confused and I was terrified. In addition, I jumped into a river from a swing attached to a big tree trunk thinking I can conquer the water but I almost drowned :( Not the best camping experience but I was motivated to start over and make it a better one.

We began our spontaneous trip with little preparation. Finicky Frank’s bike was well equipped for a journey of this kind and mine was kinda lacking in the horsiepower department but I kept optimistic thoughts. We were excited about our trip and well on our way to Big Sur. Less than half a mile from our departure point, I notice my bike struggling to keep idle. I was a bit concerned but nothing to panic about. I observed for any potential leaks, breakage or missing parts and then I find this…

I had no idea what this cable operated but we were determined to continue our trip no matter what bumps and bruises we faced. I re-attached the cable and miraculously, like the roughest hot knife in the world cutting effortless through butter, it worked like a charm! 

We chose highway 1 for a fun, filled twisty day of riding.

Photo Credit to MotorCyclist.

Photo Credit to MotorCyclist.

As we drove on highway 1, we were very appreciative of the beautiful landscape this enticing freeway provided to our virgin eyes. This stretch of the highway included windy roads, mountains full of trees and ocean views that allure even the most aquaphobia creatures in the world. But the day was getting short and we needed to find coverage fast. My hands weren't tired, my lower back was getting stronger and the bike, although working like it should most of the trip, was still putting away, with the forecast of many more problems to persist the following morning. I smelled bad things coming our way. Or was it just the dead skunks? Who knows!

As we were approaching the campsite, late at night with a little drizzle in front of us, I took a small tumble when my front wheel slipped on some oily marks from the cars on the freeway. Luckily for me, I was wearing all my gear, but still took a bit of a bang. My blue motorcycle jeans and white undershirt took some damage but all was good.

 
 

I was hurt….My pride was hurt, especially after riding for so long and failed to avoid this newbie mistake. My bike, Elena, was hurting bad during the fall and was leaking some oil beside the engine case. I couldn't help but think I was stuck for the rest of my life here in the wilderness. What to eat? I don't know how to hunt. What to do here? I can't stare at trees all day long. Would I ever see you again? I will admit, for about 22 seconds I was a bit excited, but I would still miss you and the joy and light you bring to me every day. After taking a deep breath, I soon realized I was exaggerating in my tiny stumble and everything was going to be OK. I guess you have never felt the feeling of the world crashing down on you have you, Linus? 

This experience was nothing to be proud of but Fearful Frank quickly grew courage and helped me get up and we continued our ride to the campground. 

Apparently, I did something to upset someone and had just enough bad luck shooting my way. The attack of the beady eyed was soon afoot. As I tried to ride off the adrenaline of my first real “fall” and trying my best to see through the darkness of my fogged old crusty visor, with turbulent winds pushing me left and right like a rag doll, a possum dove for my front wheel!

For those of you that have never encountered a possum, let me describe this particular one for you. With two black beady eyes that wish death and destruction on all those unfortunate enough to make deep eye contact, and four long jagged teeth lining the front of a snarling hissing mouth, the possum is the most rat-like and most awful of the marsupials. The cutest marsupial? The Koala bear obviously.

The sharp claws of the possum clash across any surface it passes over and though the gentle, soft alluring white and black fur may fool you into perceived cuteness, the lengthy whip of its pinkish tail, like an angered rattle snake, tells the true story. He or she must have been a footish and a halfish long or so, which may not seem threatening, but when they're darting for your front tire and seem to have been born out of thin air, they can be pretty terrifying.

Possums can be cute, don't get me wrong. This one, at this time of the day, was not.

So in these less than optimal conditions, immediately after a small fall when I certainly wasn't at my best, this traitor of a marsupial ran directly for me. Without hesitating, I grabbed my front brake, which I shouldn't have, but it gave enough time that this little attempted accident-instigator turned around and ran off for his life. I was later told by my Frightened Frank that he must have been within inches of my wheel. It certainly wasn't an experience I was hoping for on my first motorcycle journey. 

But we got to the campground safe and sound! And no problems for Elena the following morning!

 
 

All in all, mornings couldn't be more beautiful here at Pfeiffer Big Sur SP.

 
 

Wow, dad, you are crazy for sure but I still like you. 

 
 

A great boring story too.

So to sum it up:

  • You kinda suck at riding
  • Your bike kinda sucks too
  • A possum almost killed you? 
  • Your buddy, Fresh Frank or whatever his name is, is also afraid like you
  • And it almost got too late? A bit confused

Anyway,  my dad came back with all limbs intact, teeth sort of straight and a brain a little more messed up before the trip but he still knows where he lives.

We had a little discussion afterwards that went something like this.....

Bozzo Dad - "Linus, I was so scared that a bear would come at night and destroy our tents, eat our food and possibly eat us. Wish you were there to protect us"

Me - "Dad, In recent years there has only been 1.25 killings from bears in any campsite around the US of A. There was nothing to worry about and you would have rested if you actually read some statistics about camping. But if you were so afraid, I would have suggested that you please make it a habit of not leaving your trash outside just like you do in your room to avoid any alarming situations"

Bozzo Dad- "I suppose you are right. Next time I'll be sure to ask for your advice or bone up on some camping material. We also made a fire and roasted marshmallows. I will admit, it was difficult to start a darn fire but we finally got it going! I got a great deal too! $20 for firewood and Fabiola, the camp host, mentioned it has a burning time of 5min or so,  just enough time to roast my bag of 11 marshmallows :)"

Me - "If you think that's a good deal, seek medical attention now. Also, the firewood comes with an assisted starter that kinda looks like a hamburger patty. That would have made your life much easier but then again, I don't expect you to know these things. "

Bozzo Dad - "Wow! Really? I saw the fire starter hamburger patty look-a-like but I thought it accidentally fell inside the bag from someone actually cooking real hamburger patties. I tossed it along the river hoping the bear could eat it! Ooops. But I suppose I didn't have to worry of any creature eating us after swallowing the firestarter! hehehe"

Me - "Dawwg, you sure we are blood related?"

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That is all for now! Keep an eye out for more stories next month. The new exhaustive backyard fixtures, dad joins a softball team, snacks from around the world and I reflect on my puppy school days! 

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Shave your legs and cut my hair already!

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Me want the ball! Throw it!

Sincerely,

Linus

4th of July

Hello Friends,

Happy Independence day to the US of A! 241 long years since we freed ourself from the bullying British Empire. Freedom! I hope everyone enjoys their time with loved ones and watches some cool fireworks! 

I will be back next week with updates on a few things that have been running in my little mind. 

Sincerely, 

Linus