Ash Wednesday & Valentine's Day

Happy Ash Wednesday and Valentine's Day!

Today is a special day for those seeking love.

Some of you will be given beautifully decorated rose bouquets, others will have the pleasure of receiving tasty chocolates, and a lucky few will enjoy a fancy delicious 5-star dinner. French Laundry anyone?

 
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For the rest of us, this day is no different than yesterday. A usual hump day.

 
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I was curious to hear what dad thought about today. 

Me - "Dad, tell us a story about Valentine's Day. Those long and boring ones that put me to sleep, but I act like I am listening when I'm really not."

Dad - "Sure. We have all day to spend together anyway. You see Linus, I was never the most popular kid on the block. In fact, not even in a .27mi radius."

Me - "You don't need to tell me that. I can see that."

 
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Dad - "Let me continue ok? Being the unpopular kid around the neighborhood led me to believe no one would ever show interest in me and I would live my entire life full of emptiness, a wandering fool looking for love. But boy was I wrong and all that thinking changed in a blink of an eye. A few years ago as I skipped happily to buy breakfast at my favorite restaurant, I must have stepped on a banana peel that caused me to slip and fall. Ouch! Quickly surveying the area around me to make sure no one had seen me fall like a bonehead, I noticed a beautiful girl sprinting towards me at a fast rate. When she arrived at the scene, she looked at me in distress observing I was in pain and immediately offered her helping hand. Initially, I was hesitant to grab on fearing her cooties would permeate inside my body. Of course, the notion that every girl had cooties inherited in their genes was still lingering in my mind from grade school. I realized I was too ignorant to believe this and too weak to get up myself, so I reached for her hand for the extra help. Upon feeling her soft hands(She must have applied some aloe vera that morning) I foolishly concluded, right there and then, I had met the girl of my dreams. Mmmm but was she really the one? Or would time teach me a new lesson and possibly turn my dream into my worst nightmare? Regardless of the million thoughts that clouded my brain, it only took the smell of her seductive scent to formulate crazy thoughts of everlasting love. We got to know each other, and as months went by we were having the time of our lives, establishing a connection at a deeper level. Zen status, you feel me?"

Me - "Ok ok I can sense your vibes. Go on to the juicy stuff!"

Dad - "Fast forward and Valentine's Day was around the corner. I figured this day was my chance to do something special and make her feel like the most important girl in the world, which she was in my eyes. I was someone special for her too. She never cared what her parents thought of me, my skin color, simple favors I asked for, or if I decided to take on glassblowing as a career. My heart was her priority and I hoped she wouldn't shatter it anytime soon. 

Anyhow, I was under pressure and I needed to plan my day accordingly. With speed and velocity I checked the weather to plan what I would wear, fixed the water leak under the faucet to wash my hands, and most importantly, rubbed my neck from the excruciating pain the cheap tequila brought me the night before. What a mistake that was. After watching Telemundo soap operas for non-stop 48hrs, no bathroom breaks and all, I felt comfortable drawing up together my romantic ideas and developed a slick program for the day. I was ready to execute my plan.

 
 

Our Valentine date started with a bang. We lit 26 fireworks to celebrate our 1st Valentine together. Later, we picked up some ice cream to make our hearts content. As the day got shorter, our tummies began to growl so we headed downtown for some exotic dining. The food was OK, but nothing close to the tasty tongue tacos you can buy from the ample amount of food trucks San Jose has to offer. The night got chilly so we bought some Abuelita hot chocolate(the best known to human existence) and headed for a movie right after. A typical American Valentine date; call me lame. At first, It was a challenge as I couldn't get the right swing going. People were so loud and obnoxious everywhere we went that I couldn't focus to string coherent words to express my love to her. As our conversations intensified, my batting average was going up appreciably faster and surprisingly, I was getting into base! Right before the night was almost over, I managed to hit a home run. 1st one of the season. I went on that date feeling like George Costanza and coming out feeling like George Clooney. Like 1st timers, I felt untouchable.

Me - "Dad, wow, so what happened? Why are you still single?"

Dad - "Buddy, over time, things began to tumble instantaneously and her feelings began to seep into the abyss like the faucet leak I once had fixed. I guess a stronger bond would do the trick, right? She no longer appreciated the gentlemanlike features I exhibited. For her, me opening the car door or simple goodnight hugs and kisses were a thing of the past. Within the span of a few weeks, she was cruelly placing me in a category where calamitous characters belonged. With the joining forces from her clan of friends, they consistently called me coward, crook and a cad(Jane Austen anyone?) I was flummoxed her primitive reckless companions drove these wild thoughts into her, making her think so low of me. Where did I take the wrong turn? I always gave her the right away. To end the story short, she put a stop to our relationship. I suppose I could have taken a crash course on the meaning of love. That would have slowed things rapidly.

But it was game over-at least my game was. The twinkle in her eye had vanished into the darkness. I realized her attraction for me was just, that....A sexual desire she desperately needed to fill. She took advantage of my body but fortunately, left my brain intact(Or did she?). Because I failed miserably, thanks to time, this darkness that my soul had ever seen transpired like a butterfly from a cocoon. Beautifully, I now fly solo. 

With all this said, today isn't just about cheesy relationships or buying an over-priced Mocha Java Latte Frappuccino to make her smile. What's not to love about that? It's about all types of relationships too. This day, I encourage you to send some flowers or message a friend, and remind them how much they mean to you.

 
 

Me - "Dad, I am so sorry to hear that, but your tiny heart will only get stronger and happier! I know what you mean about them using you for your body. Those (b)itches on 5th St. always be cat calling me when I walk to Mi Pueblo. It's pretty obvious they don't want to "chat". I know it's challenging to find the right one but just give it time."

 
 

Dad - "Linus, actually I made the whole story up :). I was testing you, hoping I wouldn't put you to sleep this time around. Like you, I have no desire to meet anyone and it's least of my concern, but did you like my story though? I thought of you while writing it."

Me - "You thought of me while writing it? Interesting. I'll admit you had me glued to the part where you thought you would live happily ever after...Until you didn't."

Anyway! Off we go to grandmas! I love car rides!

 
 

Our project is moving slowly BUT surely.

 
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Until next week!

Sincerely, Linus

Scoping San Diego

Hi friends, 

Holy cow!

 
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Moo would have thought!

Now that I dared my dad moving to San Diego, he's been avidly hunting the job markets to set up his next big move. He flew down there a week ago specifically to uncover the cities hidden treasures and test the waters to see if they were nice and hot for his cold little heart. He returned excited, raving about the warm beaches and good food the city provides to new transplants. But before we fancy the idea of relocating, we need to complete all of our projects!

I need to be more careful next time I dart a dare at him. With this pace, he may end up visiting one city in every state! Woofington, Bark City, Chewyville, Los Perritos, San Cachorro, Puppytown USA. You name it!

Scrooge McDuck blasted my ear off with details in how much he enjoyed his time there and how he met some interesting folks along the way. Primarily tourist staying in hostels, eager to get wasted and have a good time on a Saturday night.

 
 

It turns out he may have found a partner for me during his outing with the locals. It certainly wasn't a time to get excited over some piddly news though. I had no wishes in meeting anyone nor was I planning anytime soon. It was a coincidence that I had just received a text from Mcgriddles, a cutie patootie Maltepoo that lives about 4 blocks from here, asking for a date to Mcdonalds that night. Turns out mommy named her after her favorite breakfast sandwich. Mcdees isn't my go-to spot in search of unhealthy late night munchies,  especially when I am trying to rebuild my body. But I'll admit that their fries, made with real potatoes(they claim), settle well in my tummy.

Speaking of, dad took a small hike up Potato Chip Rock near San Diego. Have you ever been? It looks pretty cool from some pictures he showed me BUT get this! He took Dougie D. Mcgee instead of me! :(

Dad - "Linus, sometimes you are a very expensive companion. Dougie is calmer on airplane rides too."

Me - "Ok dad, I forgive you. I guess you could just pack Dougie inside a backpack and no one will notice. It makes complete sense."

More pics here https://www.google.com/search?q=potato+chip+rock&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi9tdTc8P3YAhUP-mMKHYMCCPAQ_AUICigB&biw=1440&bih=803#imgrc=_

Me - "But dad, seriously!!?? Couldn't you capture a better photo or at least a close-up? You might as well have taken a picture from way up in the sky next to the stars." 

 
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Dad - "I know the pictures aren't great, but you know what? You should have seen the way he held the camera, he was so still! I couldn't see him moving at all and nothing affected his photo shooting skills. It was impressive"

Me - "Are you serious!!! Maybe cause he isn't real?"

Ay ay ay, what am I going to do with this guy!

Anyway, I'm a little sad that dad won't have 1 extra hour to play with me anymore. He joined the reading and writing volunteer program at MLK Library which help adults learn the English language. I think it's neat because it gives learners the opportunity to fluently read/write/speak a new language to improve their life.  

Dad - "LInus, you are correct. We are here to help adults read and write English. Most are ready to become citizens and many others are looking to achieve an education to reach better employment and provide adequate financial stability for their families. These adults share many stories I can perfectly relate to. I am overly excited about this volunteer program!"

Me - "Wow! That is so awesome! Shouldn't you be a learner instead of a tutor though? Just kidding! You may not hear this a lot dad, but you are awesome! I commend you for your selfless actions. Even though I would prefer to be by your side, I am sure you will make a difference in their life."

Interested in volunteering? Click on the link to learn more! 

https://www.sjpl.org/par

Dad - "Yes LInus, and since I will be helping many learn new things to improve their lives and families welfare, I was thinking of tackling a long-lasting challenge myself to change our path in life too. My journey to pre-med hopefully begins sooner than later. Then, I can help people in many ways and afford better toys for you buddy(I hope). You think I can do it? Can I depend on you being there for me and helping me learn?"

Linus - "Dad, the sky's the limit, kinda like your pictures. And yes, I will help you study early mornings, weary afternoons and stay late at night with you until both our brains can't absorb any more information! Together, with our combined knowledge and 23 hours, 56 minutes, 4 seconds we have in a day, we will accomplish our goal. I have faith in you and it will be an easy task like you scoring goals on a Sunday morning soccer match."

 
 

Me - "Dad, time is the enemy so let us start as soon as possible!"

 
 

Dad - "Those are some very kind words you have said to me, my kemosabe :)"

We will return Feb. 14th. We are taking a mini break to recharge our body, mind, and spirit.

Question - Will dad have a valentine by then Or will his wishes be set on fire and turned into ash? Poof! 

Our product needs a little bit more work! Just a bit more.

 
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Me - "Dad! Didn't you say your back was hurting? You should tell that girl that always invites you to eat curry and naan to come over and give you a massage. Have fun and good luck!

 
 
 
 

Until next time!

Sincerely,  Linus

My Dream Home

Hi Friends!

My luxurious dream house is 12.17% finished! It almost feels like I won the HGTV's Dream Home Giveaway.

The multi-use set up is grand and its fine tune details add a kick to it.

 
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Quite a surprise how good the home turned out considering my dad got his dirty hands on it. It's no doubt the majority of things he builds are a mess (like his life), full of unrealistic ideas (like his thoughts) or plain out fugly (like his face). But my house is stunningly beautiful regardless. Almost like standing at the edge of the cliff on a summer day, in awe of the beautiful sunset in Half Moon Bay.

 
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You see, when dad proposed to build a house for me, I had imagined a great Victorian mansion with voluptuous ornamentation, chandeliers and exaggerated, large window blinds. A beautiful example below.  

 
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But when reality hit him in the skull, like a stone flinging towards your head in the streets of Mauritania, and he realized the opulent-esque materials I desired came at a high price (Too much to handle?), he relied on Walmart in finding the best bang for the buck and diamond in the rough items. So instead of purchasing the great window blinds I had imagined, he settled for a few handkerchiefs he found on the floor from the dollar aisle.

Note -  The dollar aisle does not exist at any Walmart to my knowledge. It's evident that dad likes to make things up.

I then asked myself, were these the best gerrymander curtains he could have made? No, AND both the bicycles and small paw imprints didn't growl "tough" like I envisioned. However, they provide privacy when I choose to rest my head after a long day of playing or when my dad brings his few, dull friends to the house. I once made a comment if humans had 3 fingers instead of 5, I could count all his friends with just one entire hand. He cried a little. Like most Titanic scenes, it was quite amusing. 

 
 

More work will be done to the interior and the front to really show it off to my pals.

 
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Luckily for us, we had some assistance from our beloved friend in building the house. It was a big help and we were able to finish much faster than anticipated. Most sections that she worked on turned out flawlessly, just as expected.

Me - "Dad, you should learn from Natalie the Nun. Everything she made is divine. Holy Smackaroos! Lay on my bed!!! It feels like I'm in puppy heaven!"

 
 

Dad - "I should. She is perfect. Too perfect. But I am afraid that I broke one of the most important commandments and who knows when we'll see her again. I messed it up for you. Sorry buddy,  no more daily walks or playtime dates with her."

Me - "Juuuuuuust great! You need to learn to pull and not push people away. Are you ever going to learn? But I guess you deserve someone that will treat you right. After all, I'm sure you will find someone to grow old with and kick the ball around till your rickety bones begin to ache. I'll be watching from above!"

Dad - "You are right. I need my feelings set on fire and we will hold on to the next special girl that crosses our path. One who thinks your tax bracket doesn't question your manhood."

Me - "I believe so. Dios es grande :)"

Questions:

  1. Does my home look easy to make? Hells yea!
  2. Can anyone do it with basic tools and some common sense? Absolutely!
  3. Could a trained monkey pirate with one functioning eye handle this easy task? Clearly, no doubt in my eye. Mind you, it will take twice the work. 
  4. Was it is easy seeing my dad struggle use a hammer to nail some wood? Not easy at all! For the love of god! 

I couldn't believe he was having such a difficult time finishing a simple task. Remember Bambi? My dad was looking identical to the New Prince every minute that went by. After all, I was concerned because I care for him. His weak core, limited eye-hand coordination, and unbalanced torso were really hindering his ability to advance in our project. There was a lot of pounding from the hammer and any hint of distraction could've potentially caused him to miss the nails resulting in an "ouchie!" accident to his little hand. I was afraid he was going to smash his little fingers turning them numb for the rest of his entire pity life.

 
 
 
 

It wasn't helping that I was running around and distracting them every way possible. He began to chase me, and after a brief 6hrs, I finally got bored and I let him catch me. I was placed in time out for 5 minutes. When my short 300,000 milliseconds were up, I was off to the races for 6hrs more. He should know it is our right to destroy human belongings and that day, my boredom got the better of me. Sorry dad!

 
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Lastly, he shared something new with me.

Dad  - "Hey Linus! Come here buddy! Look what the new year brought us! A new van!"

But first say hi!

 

Terrible quality!!!!!

 
 
 

Striking! Welcome to another edition of my dad being ridiculous.

Dad - "And look at the stuff I found inside. Some jerseys and a nice acoustic fender to jam Eric Clapton songs!"

 
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Dad - "We are going to remodel this van to make it our 2nd home. We can travel to different places and discover many things just you 'n' me. Some adventures to see and memories to keep forever. You and I will conquer the world! :)"

Me - "Whoah! Easy there Shaggy. First, who gave you this creeper van? I mean, where did you find this big piece of trash?"

Dad - "One man's trash is another man's treasure, my boy"

Me - "Stop being such a loser dad. Keep at it and you are going to end up alone!"

Dad - "I understand. Nobody wants a loser or to be alone, but If it's meant to be that way then let it be. Dice el dicho, mejor solo que mal acompañado."

Me -  "Estas un poco loco guey."

Dad - "I'm a crazy Gemini?"

 
 

Dad - "Linus, we need to work smarter than ever and we can't depend on anyone anymore. They say the best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm."

Me - "Wow, that should get us pretty far! Thanks for the encouraging words! Not! Find some new friends to help out!"

Dad - "You're probably right and it may be time to find new friends. Want to move to San Diego? I heard they have good tacos, fun doggie parks, and nice soccer pitches."

Me - "I dare you."

 
 

Me - "Actually, let me think about it dad.....In the meantime, congrats on having Saturday off! Finally! We can have puppy parties every Friday!"

Help! Come! ASAP! Now! Don't listen to my dad! I am desperate in turning this junk into something fun-loving so my neighbors don't think we are smoking funny things inside. Tuesday and Thursday all day till we finish!

I also added a new homepage picture! Go see :)

Last but not least, check out one of my favorite thingies I occasionally use to jot down my ideas.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/12/magazine/inside-one-of-americas-last-pencil-factories.html

Until next time

Sincerely, Linus.

2018 Into a Storm

Hi friends! 

Happy Mother Woofing 2018! And Happy Birthday to the January folks.

2 weeks in the game and dad is already lagging! Smooth, smooth.

Did everyone get what they wanted for Christmas? I hope so! I got more than I expected!

 
 

Me - "Wow! Nice sound to your video!"

Dad - "I need a new phone. Will you buy me one?"

Me - "Will you be a good boy this year?" 

Dad - "Meow... jk I'll try."

Will history repeat itself in the ever-changing phone industy? 

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I can think a number of ways that it sure does.

 
 

Anyway, I got a polar bear to tear up it's guts! Approximate time to destroy? Give or take 30min. 

 
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I also got this "tough" plushy toy for rough doggies like me. They claim it's almost impossible to tear it apart, but with my sharp canine teeth, I highly doubt it.

A nice plaid shirt that unfortunately ran a little small for my muscular body(I've been hitting the gymbo lately).

I still don't get why some humans mistake me for a puppy.

Dad - "Linus, I still think and see you as a puppy too."

Me - "Well you need glasses because you are blind as a bat"

Dad - "Feisty! Someone needs some action."

Me - "You should pray I don't take action and bite you on the foot you pretend makes you a "good" soccer player."

Dad - "Oh watch out! I'm trembling with fear. Bite me!"

 
 

I appreciate the thought of getting me a shirt Nearsightedness Noemi, but I am a big boy now. 

But it fit Dougie Douchebag like a glove! Success!

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Dad - "Be nice to Dougie D. Fresh. He is your brother from another mother."

Linus - "He doesn't even bark!!!"

Dad - "Not every dog barks and is annoying as you, Linus."

I adored the butter shortbread cookies that were gifted to me.

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As always, I craved the human snacks but was not allowed to eat them. I could only salivate and imagine how good they must have tasted with my face on it.   

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Especially for these guys!

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Dad also got some cool gifts. Exciting that he got a "nice" "new" "used" mountain bike. He lightly mentioned about stomping the local trails and supposedly he will take a lot pictures to share with us.

Dad - "I want to establish a deep connection with nature, Linus"

Me - "Why don't you connect me with some food and water 1st! And are you any good at biking? Or will you just go waste your time and listen to the birdies chirp?"

Dad - "I'll have to show you someday what kind of stuff I am able to do"

Me - "Sure, sure. Maybe someday you can get a real bike like mine."

http://www.cannondale.com/en/USA/Bike/ProductDetail?Id=b25a3d3e-dfe7-4731-97fd-4b57d268209c&parentid=undefined

 
 

He also got parts for his motorcycle including a helmet and some barkbusters handguards. Woof Woof!!

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Lastly, we have something new we are working on that I am very excited to share with you all. My partially dream home that will someday become a reality. Just Lovely!

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The beginning stages of my luxurious home.

Dad - "But will it look luxurious?"

Me - "Who knows! Who cares!"

And we haven't forgotten about our original project. It's sooooooo time-consuming but it's coming along nicely. A real treat for both of us. I hope we can enjoy meteoric success. Paws crossed.

 
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Any idea what it might be? Guess correctly and when it's all done, I'll send you a free one! 

Lastly, check out the Google doodle for today. Katy Jurado on the cover.

https://twitter.com/Google

Got 2 hours to waste from your "busy" life? Check one of her dinosaur era 50's classic, "Bullfighter and the Lady". Not your greatest graphics but maybe a few out-of-this-world  advanced scenes for those times???

It comes with an itty bitty amount of giggles too.

 
 

Enjoy and till next time!

Sincerely, Linus