Our 2nd post for this month comes a little later than anticipated. As you might imagine, my dad has been procrastinating every possible way and now our projects are backed up, placing our goals further out of reach. I was annoyed of his laziness and needed urgent medication for my little headaches he was causing. I feel so bad for his ex- girlfriends! How could they ever deal with him??!!!
Why is he such a procrastinator? To really understand his procrastination habits, we need to travel back in time to the year c.1986. At a young age, doctors diagnosed him with a large number of prokie manners. What the heck is this!? I’ll summarize. The dude is born and quickly realizes he is the baby, takes advantage of his position in the household, complains about anything and firmly believes he should be placed 1st for everything. After just one day in life, he begins to complain about milk being too thick for his puny esophagus and insists for a low-fat milk diet, BUT doctors recommend he starts with whole milk to supply nutrients to his frail body. He then chugs whole milk nonstop for almost 5 years, BUT whole milk is thick and needs to be broken down correctly in order for the tummy to function correctly. However, in his conditions, the lactase, a little strong enzyme in the small intestine, inhibits the triggering of neurons inside his body disallowing the messengers to flow freely to the base of his forebrain, the basal ganglia, and halt the construction of the upper region of the brain. This leads to a slower development of a fulfilling and normal childhood. Unaware of the increasing amount of lactase results in new bad routine habits and propagates light vomit symptoms requiring him to wear a bib till age 9. After years, he switches to the low diet he once dreamt of. The deficiencies of vitamins from the low-fat diet obligates him having to use a baby bottle until age 12. The baby bottle is primarily used in drinking lighter liquids to assist in the absorption throughout the selective membrane of his feeble body. Tantrums are also side effects that are cemented with him indefinitely. Not surprisingly, many studies have shown that the average child of this nature turn out "unstable" when they grow older. As you see, procrastination runs deep in his blood and we can also see where his annoying attitude may be derived from.
I am slowly losing my patience from his shortage of fast work ethics. Ironically, an extremely accurate depiction of my visit to the DMV last week.
But I wonder, why is it that employees at DMV portray an image of slothfulness?
Let us take a deeper look into this problem. By doing some basic number crunching, we immediately see Sammy Slowpoke's pay starts at $14ish/hr, and hustling 40hrs/week gives him about $2240/month. After taxes and the whole shebang, he receives almost no spendable income. Could this chump change possibly buy you an It's-It bar at your local liquor store?
Let’s not get wrapped up thinking of this and continue on.
In addition to the peanuts they take home every month, they drive through many mental blocks and barriers each day.
Here are listed some of the deets this job entails:
- Expectations to be at work on the dot. Limited interruptions and working like a machine to produce 100% results with no questions asked. Make sure to bring some oil to keep that machine running smoothly, Tommy Turtle!
- Standing for 8 hours and getting yelled at by customers who think you are supposed to bend the rules for them because they waited too long to renew a tag or pay "unfair" extra fees. "Let us complain and see if we can waive the fee! Life is so unfair!"
- No work-life balance. No time to make extra cash by selling cookies in front of Safeway! It’s possible to compete against those darn girl scouts!
- No room for advancement. I guess I'm stuck filing papers all my life?
- No real training and probation for 1 year! “Termination with no explanation” is the motto at DMV. Unless you volunteer for overtime…For.the.rest.of.your.life!
- Very rude and stressful people with infinite mood swings and lack of composer wanting you to paint the perfect picture. “I'll bite your ear off you Vincent VanGough wannabe!"
- No mercy for those in need of assistance. Please help, Katie Know-it-All!
- Managers don’t have a clue how to run the system. "Listen Sammy Sloth, I need to stretch and warm up before I start running this ok!”
Even more interesting is the fact that these job stressors are a major contributor of 120,000 deaths each year and cost U.S. businesses up to $190 billion in health care costs, with the biggest toll on minorities and people with less education.
However, to all things in life, there are pros and cons and especially working in such a glamorous establishment. The plus side? Breaks, lunches, and the end of the shift…
I will avoid all cost to visit the DMV ever again unless someone put a gun to my little paws. Maybe purchasing AAA insurance to benefit from their DMV services is a better road to take.
Speaking of road, my dad took a motorcycle trip to Big Sur with FirstOption Frank and left me alone again.
Here is what he had to say about his trip.
Boo boo, before we start on our journey I want you to know that if anything happens to me, you can eat all the snacks you want, pee all over the house and drive everyone nuts. You deserve it, buddy.
The last time I took a camping trip I was in 8th grade, and I was excited to experience everlasting memories. However, when scary stories were told of creatures coming out at night to hunt for food, I kinda wet my pants. I was already dreading this camping trip before I even packed! I presume humans count as food right? Maybe not the best tasting meat but I always wondered, would they eat me alive or would they kill me first and then eat me? I was confused and I was terrified. In addition, I jumped into a river from a swing attached to a big tree trunk thinking I can conquer the water but I almost drowned :( Not the best camping experience but I was motivated to start over and make it a better one.
We began our spontaneous trip with little preparation. Finicky Frank’s bike was well equipped for a journey of this kind and mine was kinda lacking in the horsiepower department but I kept optimistic thoughts. We were excited about our trip and well on our way to Big Sur. Less than half a mile from our departure point, I notice my bike struggling to keep idle. I was a bit concerned but nothing to panic about. I observed for any potential leaks, breakage or missing parts and then I find this…
I had no idea what this cable operated but we were determined to continue our trip no matter what bumps and bruises we faced. I re-attached the cable and miraculously, like the roughest hot knife in the world cutting effortless through butter, it worked like a charm!
We chose highway 1 for a fun, filled twisty day of riding.
As we drove on highway 1, we were very appreciative of the beautiful landscape this enticing freeway provided to our virgin eyes. This stretch of the highway included windy roads, mountains full of trees and ocean views that allure even the most aquaphobia creatures in the world. But the day was getting short and we needed to find coverage fast. My hands weren't tired, my lower back was getting stronger and the bike, although working like it should most of the trip, was still putting away, with the forecast of many more problems to persist the following morning. I smelled bad things coming our way. Or was it just the dead skunks? Who knows!
As we were approaching the campsite, late at night with a little drizzle in front of us, I took a small tumble when my front wheel slipped on some oily marks from the cars on the freeway. Luckily for me, I was wearing all my gear, but still took a bit of a bang. My blue motorcycle jeans and white undershirt took some damage but all was good.
I was hurt….My pride was hurt, especially after riding for so long and failed to avoid this newbie mistake. My bike, Elena, was hurting bad during the fall and was leaking some oil beside the engine case. I couldn't help but think I was stuck for the rest of my life here in the wilderness. What to eat? I don't know how to hunt. What to do here? I can't stare at trees all day long. Would I ever see you again? I will admit, for about 22 seconds I was a bit excited, but I would still miss you and the joy and light you bring to me every day. After taking a deep breath, I soon realized I was exaggerating in my tiny stumble and everything was going to be OK. I guess you have never felt the feeling of the world crashing down on you have you, Linus?
This experience was nothing to be proud of but Fearful Frank quickly grew courage and helped me get up and we continued our ride to the campground.
Apparently, I did something to upset someone and had just enough bad luck shooting my way. The attack of the beady eyed was soon afoot. As I tried to ride off the adrenaline of my first real “fall” and trying my best to see through the darkness of my fogged old crusty visor, with turbulent winds pushing me left and right like a rag doll, a possum dove for my front wheel!
For those of you that have never encountered a possum, let me describe this particular one for you. With two black beady eyes that wish death and destruction on all those unfortunate enough to make deep eye contact, and four long jagged teeth lining the front of a snarling hissing mouth, the possum is the most rat-like and most awful of the marsupials. The cutest marsupial? The Koala bear obviously.
The sharp claws of the possum clash across any surface it passes over and though the gentle, soft alluring white and black fur may fool you into perceived cuteness, the lengthy whip of its pinkish tail, like an angered rattle snake, tells the true story. He or she must have been a footish and a halfish long or so, which may not seem threatening, but when they're darting for your front tire and seem to have been born out of thin air, they can be pretty terrifying.
Possums can be cute, don't get me wrong. This one, at this time of the day, was not.
So in these less than optimal conditions, immediately after a small fall when I certainly wasn't at my best, this traitor of a marsupial ran directly for me. Without hesitating, I grabbed my front brake, which I shouldn't have, but it gave enough time that this little attempted accident-instigator turned around and ran off for his life. I was later told by my Frightened Frank that he must have been within inches of my wheel. It certainly wasn't an experience I was hoping for on my first motorcycle journey.
But we got to the campground safe and sound! And no problems for Elena the following morning!
All in all, mornings couldn't be more beautiful here at Pfeiffer Big Sur SP.
Wow, dad, you are crazy for sure but I still like you.
A great boring story too.
So to sum it up:
- You kinda suck at riding
- Your bike kinda sucks too
- A possum almost killed you?
- Your buddy, Fresh Frank or whatever his name is, is also afraid like you
- And it almost got too late? A bit confused
Anyway, my dad came back with all limbs intact, teeth sort of straight and a brain a little more messed up before the trip but he still knows where he lives.
We had a little discussion afterwards that went something like this.....
Bozzo Dad - "Linus, I was so scared that a bear would come at night and destroy our tents, eat our food and possibly eat us. Wish you were there to protect us"
Me - "Dad, In recent years there has only been 1.25 killings from bears in any campsite around the US of A. There was nothing to worry about and you would have rested if you actually read some statistics about camping. But if you were so afraid, I would have suggested that you please make it a habit of not leaving your trash outside just like you do in your room to avoid any alarming situations"
Bozzo Dad- "I suppose you are right. Next time I'll be sure to ask for your advice or bone up on some camping material. We also made a fire and roasted marshmallows. I will admit, it was difficult to start a darn fire but we finally got it going! I got a great deal too! $20 for firewood and Fabiola, the camp host, mentioned it has a burning time of 5min or so, just enough time to roast my bag of 11 marshmallows :)"
Me - "If you think that's a good deal, seek medical attention now. Also, the firewood comes with an assisted starter that kinda looks like a hamburger patty. That would have made your life much easier but then again, I don't expect you to know these things. "
Bozzo Dad - "Wow! Really? I saw the fire starter hamburger patty look-a-like but I thought it accidentally fell inside the bag from someone actually cooking real hamburger patties. I tossed it along the river hoping the bear could eat it! Ooops. But I suppose I didn't have to worry of any creature eating us after swallowing the firestarter! hehehe"
Me - "Dawwg, you sure we are blood related?"
That is all for now! Keep an eye out for more stories next month. The new exhaustive backyard fixtures, dad joins a softball team, snacks from around the world and I reflect on my puppy school days!
Shave your legs and cut my hair already!
Me want the ball! Throw it!