Years ago, when I was a paw foot puppy roaming the spooky alleys of the neighborhood, a yellow bus zoomed past me and it sparked my interest to find what its purpose was. I pulled out my Ipaw and googled “yellow bus”. I was curious to find how to get access and transport me to these learning centers so called Schools. I didn't know these things existed!
Later, I found that a lot of puppies were catching rides because apparently school was a fun place to be at. After some research, I figured how to get entry to the cool bus and join the rest of the pups.
I signed up at the Pet Smart Ivy League School. I enrolled in Puppy 101 to gain knowledge of the world and in turn, develop into the smartest puppy in our neighborhood. At that time, there weren't many puppy geniuses to look up to and approach for guidance. I wanted to be that "one" puppy.
There was talk in the streets that only nerds attended puppy school and were bound to lose their street panache once enrolled in formal education. I will admit, coming from the street led me to grow a thick skin and a tough, but compassion, personality. I surely didn't want any of my traits to fade away, but I was ready to discover things beyond my imagination that the street could not teach me. Most importantly, I didn’t want to end up like this little guy :(
I ignored the negativity and continued with my classes. The classes consisted of vigorous training sessions, twice a week, 2hrs long and no break for snacks or play time. I dreaded if my hunger kicked in, I would need to eat and chew anything that smelled good. I didn't want to imagine eating the fishes or the reptiles in the store :( That would have been a terrifying scene for many.
I was excited to learn ways to improve my behavior with people and my friends. After all, my dad tells me that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall. Whatever that means!
My first day of class was nerve racking. My paws were shaking and I was afraid to get chosen to perform some insane and impossible trick, like juggling 5 toys with my eyes closed (I hear humans think dogs can do the unthinkable). At the same time, I was also thrilled to meet my classmates and learn something new from them.
At first, I didn't know what to bark at or how to approach my puppy classmates. I figured I would buddy up with whoever had the most pleasant smell in the rear end. Disgusting! But that was the only way I could do it, unfortunately. It was difficult to get my classmates to like me because I jump a lot. It seemed that my friendly personality confused my paw mates into thinking I wanted to chew their face off, and till this day, most think I want to fight when I jump like a little goat.
Ms. Bark-ley, our teacher, was sweet, bubbly, and fun. My dad thought she was sour but I disagree. On the other hand, Ms. Bark-ley thought my dad was a very bitter person. It was embarrassing watching them act like a bunch of wranglers in front of the class!
Wranglers? Did you ever wear any? The real chap Brett Favre enjoys these!
Every day we had the chance to demonstrate something we were getting better at. Sitting down was probably the easiest and most natural command I could follow. I conquered the command like nothing! Our teacher gave rather an amusing illustration of her progress in class too. She would get on her knees, make this loud "ehhhhhh" noise that hurt my ears and she would hop like a little rabbit. It would remind me of Acorn, the squirrel I see every morning with its head up its.....
Our class was pretty small in numbers. We had 6 completely different type of doggies in the class, surely enough for drama sparking events.
Rocky - A large and mean Bulldog consistently mad dogging everyone in class. He was the least liked and I gave him 3 chances to be friends! I was over him after he peed next to my snacks! I am sure he still bullies everyone everywhere he goes.
What I learned: Life is a rocky road and certainly no reason to be mean or a bully!
Buster- A medium sized Pointer. Double R they called him. Rude and rough, but his mom's gentle persona was the only nice thing going for him, sadly. I think his mom liked my dad but I’m glad nothing happened between them because Buster was too aggressive with me, and I was looking for a nicer step brother/sister. This lad was the type of dog that would eventually turn into a Rocky.
What I learned: Don't be bustin anyone's chops! Be nice.
Fluffball- Puny Pomeranian. A piece of crumb actually. Quiet, dramatic and never tried on his assigned task. I wonder if life got the better of him. Did life swallow him up!?
What I learned: Want to be a baller? Take some effort to learn some new tricks!
Coffee- A stocky Chocolate Labrador full of energy, twice my size and an agreeable manner with every walking soul. I am sure she has over 4000 friends on Facebook by now. What's not to like about chocolate coffee beans :)
Learning Objective: Taste good and everyone will be addicted to you!.
Oops wrong beans!
I meant these beans!
Layla- Glancing around on my first day, I couldn’t help but notice Layla. A beautiful grey Labrador that had me on my knees every night. I had built a deep desire for her. I never told my dad, but my mind was whipping around with crazy ideas every time I saw her.
What I learned: Mmmmm....deep thinking methods?
Our first conversation went something like this….
Layla - Nice to meet you, where you been?
Me - Sitting right across you, staring at you all night.
Layla - I could show you incredible things.
Me - Really?? More incredible things than tricks and toys?
Layla - Magic, madness, heaven, sin.
Linus - I love magic! Like the magic cool bus? Madness? Heaven? Puppy heaven? I don’t want to go there right now. Sin? We doggies are so innocent I thought...
Layla - Saw you there and I thought, Oh my God, look at that face, You look like my next mistake.
Me - I don’t want to be anybody's mistake :(
Layla - Love’s a game, want to play?
MeI - I want to play!!! :)
Layla - New money, suit and tie.
Me - I don’t need any of that to play! C'mon, let's go!
Layla - I can read you like a magazine.
Me - You read too? :) I thought people just look at the pictures in magazines...
Layla - Ain’t it funny, rumors fly.
Me - Rumors don't fly, you silly!
Layla - And I know you heard about me.
Me - I actually haven’t…No
Layla - So hey, let's be friends.
Me - Yes! Let us be friends forever!
Layla - I’m dying to see how this one ends.
Me - Please don't die! :(
Layla - Grab your passport and my paw.
Me - Do we need passports? Can I just grab your paw? :)
Layla - I can make the bad dogs good for a weekend.
Me - But I am a good dog already.
I could have sworn her questions sounded like a song but that wasn't any of my business.
My dad could spot my interest for Layla miles away. I was afraid I would be in trouble for not paying attention in class and getting caught day dreaming of her. Actually, I was more afraid of the “invaluable” lessons my dad would proceed to present to me.
He dove right in...
Dad - "Dude, she will bamboozle you into falling for her. Sounds to me like some wicked witchery mind games, and many of them do this, so stop getting your hopes up and wasting your time in this wicked game! Get learning!".
Dad - "Also, most bitches will try, and will break your heart. But not to worry boobster, soon you will find someone completely opposite from those rattle snakes. Possibly a mermaid. Una chula sirena."
And he kept yapping...
Dad - “Linus, boo boo maguboo, you really need to be careful buddy. These ladies aren't here for love. If you don't watch your back, they will eat you alive. Watch out boy, they are paw eaters. Looks can be deceiving maguster.”
Eat me?? Paw eater? Chew me up? Ahhh!! All I could think of was old 70’s music in my head! My ears were bleeding!
And he kept lecturing me...
Dad - “Let me continue. They will rip your heart out if you aren’t on your paws. They are hawkish and ruthless, like a two gun desperado. The “puppy killer” they might call each other. They will kill with a drop of feather and cut you down with a shower of lead!”
I didn’t want him to be right but he was on to something.
My 2nd conversation with Layla went something like this....
Me - Layla, would you like to get a puppucccino with me this weekend? Woof woof.
Layla - Oh Linus, my body's sayin' let's go but my heart is sayin' no.
If you wanna be with me
Baby there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way.
Do you understand?
Me - Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt?? I was confidently sure the price was too high and I was confused what way to rub.
After I explained to her that I was broke, that I had no goals and that I felt disconnected from the world, she told me in a chichi mood, “Jacky boy, don’t you come back no more”.
Me - Layla, I thought you were different :(
Layla - That's not the shape of my heart.
I finally saw my dads point.
So I let it all past me.
Having left some of my thoughts behind, I’d call Layla the tragically broken "girlfriend" I cannot get out of my mind, even though we were never together.
I went on to graduate top student in the class with honorable mention. I considered adult school, but I needed to take a breather after my tiny heartbreak.
My dad had one last thing to add.
Dad - "No mames, te dije guey! It's ok because we learn from our mistakes. They are hard lessons but it's time to move on ok? Let's get reading now. You ever been to Horton Plaza? Sometimes I just go there to chill and read books. Remember, being smart is fun! And you want to be cool? Stay in school!"
Coo coo dad. Coo coo.
I have a heavy dose of skepticism that my dad is any good at softball. Right off the bat, I noticed he lacked arm strength when he picked up the bat. He was complaining that it was too heavy. Soo weak! I also threw him a few pitches but he wasn't able to make any contact. Strike 3 and you are out! Just like all his dates! A feeble attempt to hit the ball was apparent and my guess is he sits on the bench and eats sun flower seeds all game. However, he did mention his playoff game is next week and because of him, they were able to make it so far in the playoffs. I'll wait to hear if he makes a difference in the next game. If he "plays".
With the beautiful sun shining down this summer, we figured we could get working on our backyard. We have been planting a variety of fruit trees, vegetables, flowers and bunch of other stuff. Finally, our backyard is looking a more homey. Plenty of work left if you want to come help :)
Our friend, Negligent Nancy, decided to "help" make a bench for us. However, she spent most of the time sitting and staring at me and throwing me the ball, while my dad completed all the hard work. Nothing to complain about, but I was dreading the moment my dad would begin to whine.
My dad was upset with me when I tore his soccer ball. Time to go buy a new one cheapskate! And buy me some snacks while you are at it!
We hope the finished project comes out as we imagine.
My friend Bruno texted me the other day telling me about some snacks he sent me from Colombia. I have never tried any snacks from his country and I was craving them when he described to me how juicy they feel in your mouth. Bruno and I are boyhood chums actually. We met each other in the dark alleys of the evil Saint Piper St. when we were alone, cold, hungry and lost. We are very fortunate that we found loving parents that care for us.
It was a nice gesture and it came in the knick of time, right when I needed some sugar to ease my frustration with the neighborhood cats that have been defecating around our remodeled backyard.
It's Jet chocolate, like my "speed" video.
If I had gotten a Jet Negro, it would be made just for me!
Bruno was so kind that he got me a cup with my picture on it! How sweet Bruno. Gracias amigo!
See dad, be a good friend and you too can get snacks! Maybe you should follow the fly and honey advice you give me, or however it goes, instead of getting wild and tongue-lashing everyone, when you are hungry. Maybe they will be nice to you too.
Stay tuned for more irrelevant updates that probably won't make our life any better!
Until next time!
Just a growl out to all my doggie friends!
Happy National Dog Day!
Dad! Will you please pay attention to me on my special day today! Out of many special days :)
Stay tuned this week for the final update.
Happy birthday to everyone that is celebrating their special day this month. Enjoy it while it last because time is a thief sometimes!
In the meantime, while I prepare my entire blog for this month, I leave you with these cool cookies our friends at https://www.instagram.com/sugardelightsbymonica/ baked for my dad. It's for his softball team and last I heard, their winning streak is out of this ballpark!
We will update the blog when all of our August and September thingies get done! I hope everyone has a good week :)