My Dream Home

Hi Friends!

My luxurious dream house is 12.17% finished! It almost feels like I won the HGTV's Dream Home Giveaway.

The multi-use set up is grand and its fine tune details add a kick to it.

 
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Quite a surprise how good the home turned out considering my dad got his dirty hands on it. It's no doubt the majority of things he builds are a mess (like his life), full of unrealistic ideas (like his thoughts) or plain out fugly (like his face). But my house is stunningly beautiful regardless. Almost like standing at the edge of the cliff on a summer day, in awe of the beautiful sunset in Half Moon Bay.

 
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You see, when dad proposed to build a house for me, I had imagined a great Victorian mansion with voluptuous ornamentation, chandeliers and exaggerated, large window blinds. A beautiful example below.  

 
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But when reality hit him in the skull, like a stone flinging towards your head in the streets of Mauritania, and he realized the opulent-esque materials I desired came at a high price (Too much to handle?), he relied on Walmart in finding the best bang for the buck and diamond in the rough items. So instead of purchasing the great window blinds I had imagined, he settled for a few handkerchiefs he found on the floor from the dollar aisle.

Note -  The dollar aisle does not exist at any Walmart to my knowledge. It's evident that dad likes to make things up.

I then asked myself, were these the best gerrymander curtains he could have made? No, AND both the bicycles and small paw imprints didn't growl "tough" like I envisioned. However, they provide privacy when I choose to rest my head after a long day of playing or when my dad brings his few, dull friends to the house. I once made a comment if humans had 3 fingers instead of 5, I could count all his friends with just one entire hand. He cried a little. Like most Titanic scenes, it was quite amusing. 

 
 

More work will be done to the interior and the front to really show it off to my pals.

 
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Luckily for us, we had some assistance from our beloved friend in building the house. It was a big help and we were able to finish much faster than anticipated. Most sections that she worked on turned out flawlessly, just as expected.

Me - "Dad, you should learn from Natalie the Nun. Everything she made is divine. Holy Smackaroos! Lay on my bed!!! It feels like I'm in puppy heaven!"

 
 

Dad - "I should. She is perfect. Too perfect. But I am afraid that I broke one of the most important commandments and who knows when we'll see her again. I messed it up for you. Sorry buddy,  no more daily walks or playtime dates with her."

Me - "Juuuuuuust great! You need to learn to pull and not push people away. Are you ever going to learn? But I guess you deserve someone that will treat you right. After all, I'm sure you will find someone to grow old with and kick the ball around till your rickety bones begin to ache. I'll be watching from above!"

Dad - "You are right. I need my feelings set on fire and we will hold on to the next special girl that crosses our path. One who thinks your tax bracket doesn't question your manhood."

Me - "I believe so. Dios es grande :)"

Questions:

  1. Does my home look easy to make? Hells yea!
  2. Can anyone do it with basic tools and some common sense? Absolutely!
  3. Could a trained monkey pirate with one functioning eye handle this easy task? Clearly, no doubt in my eye. Mind you, it will take twice the work. 
  4. Was it is easy seeing my dad struggle use a hammer to nail some wood? Not easy at all! For the love of god! 

I couldn't believe he was having such a difficult time finishing a simple task. Remember Bambi? My dad was looking identical to the New Prince every minute that went by. After all, I was concerned because I care for him. His weak core, limited eye-hand coordination, and unbalanced torso were really hindering his ability to advance in our project. There was a lot of pounding from the hammer and any hint of distraction could've potentially caused him to miss the nails resulting in an "ouchie!" accident to his little hand. I was afraid he was going to smash his little fingers turning them numb for the rest of his entire pity life.

 
 
 
 

It wasn't helping that I was running around and distracting them every way possible. He began to chase me, and after a brief 6hrs, I finally got bored and I let him catch me. I was placed in time out for 5 minutes. When my short 300,000 milliseconds were up, I was off to the races for 6hrs more. He should know it is our right to destroy human belongings and that day, my boredom got the better of me. Sorry dad!

 
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Lastly, he shared something new with me.

Dad  - "Hey Linus! Come here buddy! Look what the new year brought us! A new van!"

But first say hi!

 

Terrible quality!!!!!

 
 
 

Striking! Welcome to another edition of my dad being ridiculous.

Dad - "And look at the stuff I found inside. Some jerseys and a nice acoustic fender to jam Eric Clapton songs!"

 
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Dad - "We are going to remodel this van to make it our 2nd home. We can travel to different places and discover many things just you 'n' me. Some adventures to see and memories to keep forever. You and I will conquer the world! :)"

Me - "Whoah! Easy there Shaggy. First, who gave you this creeper van? I mean, where did you find this big piece of trash?"

Dad - "One man's trash is another man's treasure, my boy"

Me - "Stop being such a loser dad. Keep at it and you are going to end up alone!"

Dad - "I understand. Nobody wants a loser or to be alone, but If it's meant to be that way then let it be. Dice el dicho, mejor solo que mal acompaƱado."

Me -  "Estas un poco loco guey."

Dad - "I'm a crazy Gemini?"

 
 

Dad - "Linus, we need to work smarter than ever and we can't depend on anyone anymore. They say the best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm."

Me - "Wow, that should get us pretty far! Thanks for the encouraging words! Not! Find some new friends to help out!"

Dad - "You're probably right and it may be time to find new friends. Want to move to San Diego? I heard they have good tacos, fun doggie parks, and nice soccer pitches."

Me - "I dare you."

 
 

Me - "Actually, let me think about it dad. In the meantime, congrats on having Friday, Saturday and Sunday off! Finally! That means we can have puppy parties every Friday!"

Help! Come! ASAP! Now! Don't listen to my dad! I am desperate in turning this junk into something fun-loving so my neighbors don't think we are smoking funny things inside.

I also added a new homepage picture! Go see :)

Last but not least, check out one of my favorite thingies I occasionally use to jot down my ideas.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/12/magazine/inside-one-of-americas-last-pencil-factories.html

Until next time

Sincerely, Linus.